Beholding Jesus

As I was meditating on this passage I kept thinking to myself how little revelation I have of God’s majesty and how desperately I want more!  What kind of a God sends His Son to die for me?  Not just to die- but to be scourged and beaten and crucified.  My Jesus- so kind, so good, so meek, humble and mighty! So worthy of my all.

I had a dream last night that I was being whipped.  I don’t remember what happened in the dream, I just remember that I was being whipped and I felt my back beginning to be torn open.  I remember feeling so vulnerable and exposed.  It’s definitely not anything I would ever choose to endure… but Jesus did.  He chose to expose the tender skin on his back to the excruciating pain of the whip.  He chose to allow His body to be mutilated and tortured.  He fully knew what He was saying “Yes” to, and He still said “Yes.”  God who never, ever has to experience even the slightest discomfort, and much less pain, chose to endure the brutality and horrors of being scourged and crucified.  He didn’t just say yes at the beginning of it all, but at every minute, every slap, every lash, every time a piece of bone dug into His skin and ripped His back open, every nail, every mocking word, every word of contempt, every word of hate, disdain and complete disregard for the God man.  Every minute, every second, He restrained His power to stop it all.  With one word, with one breath, he could’ve put an end to what He did not deserve.  He would have been completely just and right in refusing to endure it all.  But He didn’t.  He said “Yes” again and again and again and again and again.  He said “Yes” for me.  He said “Yes” to me.  My God, my Jesus,   He said “Yes.”

For the past year I’ve been asking God many questions about the last season I walked through, which was very difficult and painful for me, and He gave me a short song that answered it all (not the way I wanted, and not the way I expected- but the answer God,  in His wisdom, knew I needed).  “All of my whys you answered with the nails in your hands – All of my whys you answered with the thorns in Your head – All of my whys you answered with the whip on Your back.  I can trust you.  I can trust you.  I trust you.”

As I’ve been meditating on Jesus on the cross and the implications of what it means that God Himself chose to bear the weight and burden of my sin and punishment, I’ve been thinking that if I were to meditate on this truth for just a little bit of time every day, my heart responses to life would be so very different!  I would be quicker to trust God’s kindness and goodness in the midst of any situation, quicker to ask God’s guidance and trust that He loves me enough to answer me, lead me, and make a way where there is no way,  quicker to draw close to Him, to run under His wing and just be.  I would be quicker to forgive, to cover the sins of my sisters and brothers, quicker to ask forgiveness, quicker to humble myself, quicker to choose the low road when no one cares, quicker to extend compassion, mercy and grace, quicker to bless those who have hurt, rejected, slandered, disrespected, hated and cursed me, quicker to say “Yes” to be the servant of all, quicker to die that others may live.  Jesus, transform me into the likeness of You!  You are glorious, beautiful, awesome, my God! Teach me to love You.  I want to love You.  Teach me to love others well.  Teach me to see as you see and feel as you feel.  Teach me to love as you love.  Teach me Father, for I can do nothing apart from you!

“But they cried out, ‘Away with Him, away with Him! Crucify Him!’  Pilate said to them, ‘Shall I crucify your King?’ The chief priests answered, ‘We have no king but Caesar!’”   As I read this passage, I thought about Matthew 23 where Jesus says, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!”  I was gripped with God’s Father heart for His people, even as He stood before the crowd, His body scourged beyond recognition.  What terrible pain my Lord must have felt as He heard the crowd reject Him, their Savior.  And yet.  And yet, He said “Yes.”  He took upon Himself the payment for their sins while they were still His enemies!  How could I ever begin to understand the great burden my Lord bore that day- emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually?  As I’m typing I feel this sense that I understand so little, so very, very little about His love for me.  How could I have accused my unbelievably kind and good Father?  Blamed Him.  Reviled Him.  Rejected Him.  He loved me even while I was still His enemy.  He loves me in my human frailty.  He loves me in my immaturity.  He loved me even as I accused Him and spat in His face.  He says to me, “My love is over, it’s underneath, it’s inside, it’s in between the times you doubt me, when you can’t feel, the times that you’ve questioned ‘Is this for real?’ The times that you’re broken, the times that you mend, the times you hate me, and the times that you bend.  These times you’re healing and when your heart breaks.  The times that you feel like you’ve fallen from grace.  The times you’re hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain.  I’m there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame, I’m there through your heartache, I’m there in the storm.  My love I will keep you by my power alone. I don’t care where you’ve fallen, where you have been, I’ll never forsake you.  My love never ends, it never ends” (Times, Tenth Avenue North).  Father, thank you for your mercy!  Thank you for your kindness!  Thank you for your love for me, a wretch!  Thank you that you say I am dark, but lovely.  Thank you for the cross!  Thank you!  My good and perfect King, my heart is Yours.  I can trust You.  I am safe with You.  You lead me perfectly.  You are worthy. You are Glorious and Awesome.  You are Gracious and Compassionate.  You are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  You are Faithful and True.  You are Truth and Light.  You are Great and Merciful. You are the One and Only True God.  You remember that I am but dust. Teach me to love you, Father!  I long to know You and love You.

Gethsemane(Mark 14:32-42)

My heart breaks within me as I think upon what took place in the Garden. We see a paradox of the creator of the universe at his weakest point, yet this is where he finds his greatest strength. Jesus knew that his strength and zeal could not get him through what was about to take place in the coming hours. To say that Jesus was this disturbed by dying a martyrs death is absurd. The reason people mock this moment of our savior’s distress and troubled heart is because they do not fully understand what would happen in the coming hours on that cross on golgotha hill. It says he went and prayed the same prayer three times. He asked the Father, “Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what you will.” This cup that he was about to partake of was by no means a cup of pleasure, blessing, or honor. It was the cup of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. He himself was tread in that winepress of the wrath of God. He himself became a curse with this cup. He will one day have his vengeance on sin when he himself treads the winepress of the wrath and fierceness of Almighty God. He will make his majestic stand for truth, humility, and righteousness. In that day all high things will be brought low including the mountains and hills. Jesus knew that his strength during this time would come from the Father. He himself knew his flesh was weak, but his spirit was willing. In his weakness, his strength was made perfect.

Arrest(John 18:1-11)

Jesus came out of the place of prayer full of the spirit. He left edified and strengthened. I wonder what words the Father spoke to him? How did the Father encounter him to give him enough strength? Did he send ministering angels to strengthen him? Did he have an open vision of him standing once again at the right hand of the Father? They came to arrest Jesus thinking he would be off guard and in a place of weakness. Jesus showed them that even in his weakness, he is all powerful! His voice still has that same power that in had in the beginning at Genesis 1! The guards came forward and Jesus asked,”Whom are you seeking?” They replied, “Jesus of Nazareth.” The Jesus replied simply, “I am He.” It says that then they drew back and fell to the ground. Jesus spoke three words and they were thrown backwards. Can you imagine what was going through the heads off the guards? They were probably thinking we are suppose to arrest him? They said he was weak and just a man. I think it was his mercy of revealing himself to these guards. Jesus is saying, “Yes, you must arrest me. First, I will show you who I am so when I submit to you, you know I still am God.” The guards must have been dumbfounded. I then picture after this happening Jesus stretching out his hands to be bound and arrested. He knew what had to be done. His hour had come.

Trial(John 18:12-14 & 19-24)
They then led Jesus to Annas who was the father-in-law of Caiphas, the high priest that year. They attempted to try Jesus behind close doors. They were trying to give him a trial without justice. What they were doing was very unjust. The one thing that caught my eye about this was the fact of how Annas foreshadowed Jesus dying for the sake of the whole nation. This one man’s sacrifice would not only be for the nation, but for all of humanity who would accept him as God and Saviour.

Before Pilate(John 18:28-40)

Jesus is done wrong in almost every way he can be through the trial. He doesn’t even have a trial. It was a judicial murder. They bring Jesus up to Pilate and say put him to death. When Pilate asks why, they say because we cannot. It was pure demonic rage lashing out against Jesus. Pilate then takes Jesus in and questions him. Jesus reveals that he is indeed a king, but his kingdom is not of this world. Pilate said that he found no fault in him, They had no just accusation against Jesus. The judge of the universe was dealt with unjustly. One day The Judge will bring justice to the earth once and for all.

Sentencing(John 19:1-16

To think upon the suffering our saviour went through is heart breaking. To think that God took on flesh in his mercy and came to dwell with men. To think that he had this planned out the whole time. He was truly undeserving of all the punishment he recieved. There were guilty murders who did not recieve as much punishment. A normal man would have died after the scourging. They mocked the king of the earth as if he were not a king. Jesus submitted to the mocking and scourging all for the sake of our souls. The hope that we might have eternal life. He took the crown of thorns knowing a greater crown awaited. He wore the robe with honor so that I could one day have a dazzling white and spotless robe. Oh, the love my saviour has for every soul. He would that none would perish, but that we all could have everlasting life. No matter the cost.

It’s the beginning of spring and probably a bit chilly out in the garden. It’s dark but there’s a full moon so you can still see without a torch. Jesus leads the eleven along the pathway under the trees. Judas has left, presumably to give an offering for the poor. Then Jesus stops and tells eight of the young men with Him to sit and wait for Him. He leads Peter, James and John a little further along the path and tells them how He is really stressed out and asks them to pray. He then moves off by Himself to pray alone.

Jesus fell to the ground praying fervently to God that He won’t have to live through the next several hours. He knows what’s coming and He knows that there will be unbearable physical pain. He cries out, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for Thee; remove this cup from Me…” Meanwhile Peter, James and John have fallen asleep.

In a traditional Jewish wedding, it was the parent’s responsibility to choose a spouse for their son or daughter. God chose Jesus’ bride. To pledge agreement to a betrothal, the fathers and the bridegroom would sit down together and share a cup of wine. If the son decided that he did not agree to his father’s choice, he would push the cup away; if he agreed he would take the cup and drink. When Jesus prayed, ‘remove this cup from Me’ I don’t think He was saying that He didn’t want the bride His Father had chosen. I think He was just saying ‘This is going to be really painful, Father, are You sure there isn’t another way to accomplish this?’

You’ve just eaten a rather large meal and had a few glasses of wine. You’ve spent a few hours singing and dancing with close friends and now you’re rather tired. You’ve gotten comfortable under a tree and it’s peacefully quiet. Who wouldn’t fall asleep? Then you suddenly get shaken awake. “Are you sleeping?” a voice asks. It is the voice of Jesus, “Keep watching and praying” He says.

Peter had recently insisted that he would do anything for Jesus, even die for Him. I’m sure he made a concerted effort to stay awake and pray, but he didn’t realize the urgency of that night. Closing your eyes in quiet prayer is often conducive to sleep anyway, but when you’re stuffed with food and wine it’s almost impossible. Maybe someone should have informed him on the benefits of pacing! Peter dozed off again.

Three times Jesus prays to God for strength and endurance. He may have even prayed for His disciples during this time, knowing that they were going to go through a lot of doubt and confusion in the next three days. Each time He prayed He came back to find Peter, James and John asleep. I’m sure they tried to deny it. “No, no I’m awake now Lord.” But the last time Jesus tells them to just forget it. Time’s up, break’s over, it’s now time to leave.

John 18:1-11

While Jesus and His disciples have gone to Gethsemane to pray, Judas has made his way straight to the Pharisees. Jesus apparently hung out at the Garden of Gethsemane a lot because Judas knew right where to go. Once the officers of the Chief Priests and the Roman guard were all ready Judas led them to Jesus. Lanterns, torches, swords, shields and spears; these guys came prepared for any event.

I’m sure a whole contingent of Roman soldiers with torches and weapons woke up Peter, James and John real quick. The Bible doesn’t really say what happened to the other eight disciples, but I think they probably didn’t stick around to see who those soldiers were looking for.

As a Roman soldier, you’re strong, tough, and very well trained. The other men in your regiment aren’t just friends, they’re brothers that you’ve fought side-by-side with. Anyone not of you is against you. These guys probably resented the greedy little Jew who was guiding them through the trees of Gethsemane. But if this late night intrigue meant another prisoner for them to have a little fun pushing around, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.

Jesus knew they were there to arrest Him, yet He still asked them whom they were looking for. When they replied that they were looking for Jesus of Nazareth, His answer blew them away. Literally! All those tough Roman soldiers backed up and fell to the ground. I think maybe He put a little fear into their hearts. They’d think twice about forcibly arresting someone who could knock them down with nothing more than words.

Jesus asked them a second time, “Whom do you seek?” They got up, dusted themselves off, probably wondered how they ended up on the ground in the first place and answered, “Jesus of Nazareth”. Here’s where Jesus’ little show of power came in handy, the soldiers didn’t question Jesus command to let the disciples alone. Even after Peter pulled out a sword and tried to defend Jesus, they soldiers apparently made no move to arrest him.

The last verse in this passage speaks of Jesus’ resolution and obedience to the Father. It also speaks of His love for His disciples, the church, and His Bride. He has accepted the cup which the Father has given Him.

I can’t imagine the love and intimacy that Jesus had between Peter, James, and John. For Jesus to take them with Him to the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knew the hour that was at hand and He chose these three guys to come with him. John the beloved laid on Jesus’ chest during the last supper. He was also the youngest. He left everything behind to follow Jesus, but why was John singled out by Jesus? Did not the rest of the disciples have a relationship with Him? There was a connection between Jesus and John that was deeper than the rest. Jesus chose Peter even though He knew that he would deny him three times. He knew that all of his disciples would forsake him and hide in fear when the time would come for him to be taken away, but he still wanted these men to accompany him to the garden.
Jesus is a God of relationship and love. Even in His deepest, darkest moment in life, he wanted his friends near him. He asked them to tarry with him that night. Jesus didn’t want to be alone in the last hour. He showed His misery and became “greatly distressed.” I translate this as he was freaking out and breaking down in the garden praying that His father would have mercy and “that this hour would pass from him.” Even in His distress, Jesus said not my will, but your will be done Father. The love for His father was so strong that He was willing to go through the most excruciating death possible in order for us to be with Him forever. Then He came and found the three closest to His heart sleeping. He addresses Peter and says, “Simon are you sleeping? Could you not watch with me one hour?” Jesus must have been hurt by this action. Then He warns Peter saying, “Watch lest you fall into temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Why did Jesus say this? There could be two meanings of this statement. The first being that He was trying to tell them that even though their flesh is weak the spirit is strong and willing to overcome. And the other that the spirit is willing, but the flesh hinders the spirit by being weak. So many people interpret this the second way, but what if that is not what Jesus was saying at all. What if he wanted them to ask for help and allow the spirit to guide them and keep them awake while Jesus was mourning? I don’t think this statement was a rebuke. I think it was an exhortation to come up higher, but the disciples fell asleep anyway.
I wonder what it would be like for Judas to kiss the man he was betraying as a sign that he was the messiah. The betrayal kiss. This is what so many people call this action between them. What was Judas feeling? How could he be so deceived. He betrayed the man man that he spent every day. Jesus spent time with him. Jesus taught him just like all the other disciples, but what was in his heart that he could betray the very man that loved him enough to die for him? Judas walked with Jesus. He performed the same miracles, ate the same food, and slept in the same places with Jesus. He threw all of that away, and for what? Money?
In the garden, Peter struck one of the solders and cut off his ear. Peter was ready to fight for Jesus. He would have helped Jesus escape, Jesus told him to put his sword away because this was what His father had for Him. This is so bold of Jesus. He obeyed His father and went with the officers. He didn’t fight back. He was a silent lamb lead to the slaughter. Some translations say that Jesus healed the officer’s ear that was cut off. This is an extreme act of love. Jesus healing the man that is taking him away to crucify him is extraordinary. Jesus showed compassion when there was no compassion or mercy shown upon Him. This is an ultimate act of agape love for a stranger. Jesus did not know the man, but He loved him with agape love. The love for someone with having no expectation of being loved in return.
I can’t imagine being in Pilates position. He spoke directly with Jesus, the God of the Universe, but did not recognize Him. He took him outside to the Jews and the Jews said that he must crucify him because it is in the law that he must die because he made himself the Son of God. This grieved Pilate and he was afraid of the Jews, for they were massive in numbers greater than his own and they were violently demanding Jesus’ death by crucification. He tried to save Jesus by releasing him back to the Jews instead of Barabbas, but they cried out that the wanted Barabbas and not Jesus. So Pilate thought that if he scourged him, it would be enough for the Jews to see this punishment as fierce and not kill him. Jesus was beat and whipped 40 times. This is the largest number of lashing in all of history before someone dies. I can’t believe that Jesus endured this kind of pain for me.
They mocked Him and put a purple robe on Him, along with a crown of thorns. Jesus was unrecognizable when the lashings were over. Pilate brought him out, thinking that this punishment would be enough for the Jews. He said, “Behold the Man.” This is significant because Jesus was the son of God, but He shed blood like a man. He was a human. This scourging proved that He bleeds like every other human being on this earth. He is a man! He goes back into the Praetorium and has the most important conversation with Him there. Pilate asks Jesus where He is from. Jesus does not answer. Pilate says, “ Why are you not answering me? Do you not know that I have power to kill you or set you free?” And Jesus replies with, “You have no power over me except what has been given to you from my Father above. So the man that delivered me to you has the greater sin.” The last part of this statement is crucial. Jesus is saying that Pilate will be condemned if he kills Jesus, but Pilate does not believe that Jesus is the son of God. The Jews delivered Jesus to Pilate; therefore, they will have a greater judgment upon them because they believe that Jesus is the son of God, yet they are still crucifying Him. At that very moment something happened between Pilate and Jesus. Pilates eyes were opened and he believed Jesus! His heart was changed and he sought to save Jesus from that moment on. He came out with Jesus and said, “Behold your KING!” Before Pilate said, “Behold the MAN!” Something changed in Pilate by calling Jesus the man and then changing it to the king. He knew the truth; however, the Jews yelled out, “crucify him!” Pilate could not save Jesus. He released Jesus to the Jews and let them crucify Him. Pilate did not want Jesus’ blood on his hands because he found no fault in Jesus. He saw the power in Jesus’ eyes and words. He knew that Jesus was speaking the truth. He said, “Do you want me to crucify your King?” He said this because of the comment Jesus made inside. Pilate knew that the Jews would receive a greater punishment because they believe He is the son of God and, yet they are still condemning Him to death. The Jews deny that they have any other King, but Caesar. So Pilate released Jesus to the jews to crucify their King. This must have been a very difficult decision for Pilate to make.

Road to the Cross
I think the scene in the garden of Gethsemane has got to be one of the more fascinating scenes in the life of Christ. I see his humanity in this passage I think in a way I have not before. I have heard this preached as “Jesus was not backing down or afraid of his duty at all…” yet if that were true why would he even ask that the cup be passed-or for any other way? Surely he knew early on what he was to do? Mark 14:33 and 34 use the words “distressed, overwhelmed and troubled” to describe Jesus’ emotional state, was there not an ounce of fear in those moments? Where was all that distress, trouble and anxiety coming from? Why would he have sweat and cried tears of blood? What does anxiety in any human being come from if not fear? Dread? Aren’t those the same things?
I love this passage, John 18. So quickly have I and heard others read over the part where Jesus says “I am he” and they all fall to the ground. It is just this random tidbit fact thrown in there…Jesus happened to say something that made everyone just plain fall over…why did it happen right then, never a mention of the crowds or children falling over during parable time. John never said he or the other disciples suddenly dropped to the ground when Jesus coughed. So why does this little phrase cause them all to fall? Is it because he knows they are there to take him? Is he just demonstrating his power at the point of being confronted as if to say “see what I’m capable of, and yet you come for no reason to take me as a criminal…look how little it takes for me to defeat all of you, yet I will go willingly” I wonder…surely all Christ’s words ring with this kind of truth and power-but was it demonstrated more fully at this moment for that reason? And what do the men do-hop on back up like whoa-bit of an earthquake there for a sec..now we can get back to the business of killing this guy? I mean really, what kind of a coincidence did they have to apply to that and how much bravery did they have to muster up to bind a guy who just knocked ‘em all down with a few short words? (*wow*)
Jesus seems to appear so calm and collected while before his accusers. He is struck, accused, yet the tone of his words appears unmoved. How I wish I had a recording-the simplicity of his statements seem nearly emotionless yet I know this cannot be true. Perhaps it is the confidence Jesus had in taking the cup that makes his words sound so straight and unmoving. “why did you strike me, did I say something wrong?”, “my kingdom is not of this world…you are right in saying I am a king…I came into the world to testify to the truth (beautiful..) Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” Wow, that statement has so many implications for the floundering philosophers out there! Was Jesus appealing to the educated side of Pilate? Was Jerusalem influenced by all the secular knowledge? What was the prevailing idea of the day? I can only assume the issue of truth was regular in discussion circles—yet there must still have been a search for it if Jesus claimed to have it and Pilate then says he has no problem with him and doesn’t want to charge him. I can’t help but think of Mary Magdeline when Jesus says that. Talk about a woman on the side of truth-that he really wants intimacy and love from us.
I’ve heard a lot spoken from the pulpit about Jn 19:11 when Jesus corrects Pilate in the matter of where his power comes from. It is so hard to wrap my mind around the idea God gave Pilate the power to kill his own Son. Even harder is the statement Jesus makes that Judas had committed a greater sin. I was always taught that sin is sin, and that as one link breaks an entire chain so one sin brings an entire soul down and therefore all sin is equal. But according to this chapter that is not necessarily true. Jesus calls Judas’ sin greater, meaning there must be a scale of some sort. For years I have told others there is no scale for sin-but is that true only as it applies to salvation or does God really hate certain sins more than others? And how does one get past God orchestrating a betrayer of his own son? Did he really never violate any of Judas’ trust? Allen says Jesus words to Judas in the garden are a last chance for him to change his mind but I just don’t see it. I know people have lost their faith over this very issue. Did Jesus really need a betraying disciple? Couldn’t the Pharisees have killed him on their own?
An even more frightening thought. Rob Bell always talks about how these men would have had the bible memorized a-z. Word for word, line by long line. They knew the most about the scriptures and yet they crucified the very man the word proclaimed. How is that possible? Is it the heart absence issue alone or were there other factors involved? Does this mean we should avoid pursuit of scriptural knowledge in any way or further imply the consistent rendering and examining of our hearts and motives? ( I vote for the latter…) Is there danger in the pursuit of knowledge or in the pride that comes with it? (again, I think the latter…)

Mark 14:32 Jesus enters in to the garden of Gethsemane, and tells part of the group to stay, taking James, John, and Peter with Him. He tells eight of them to wait, while He goes and prays, with two brothers, and Peter. Man I never want Jesus to tell me to wait while He goes and prays, with others. It would be different if He was saying you have to stay here, cause you can’t pray this prayer, or only I can pray this prayer. Maybe that is what He is saying, but I don’t ever want Jesus to tell me to wait, while He takes others to go pray. I want to pray with You, or just be near You when You pray, Jesus. The bible says Jesus became troubled, and deeply distressed. Oh the can of questions this really opens up. He tells them,”My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch.”Then walks a little further and falls to the ground, and prays to Father, that if this cup could pass, but not Jesus will, but he will of the Father be done. Whoa! What is going on, we know nothing about what happened here. I’m scarred now, back then, I would have freaked out. Jesus returns to the men sleeping, and calls Peter by his original name, saying could you not watch for one hour. Then Jesus says,”Watch and pray, least you fall into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing but the flesh is weak,” Huh, there is way more to this statement than I know. He went again and prayed the same words. He comes back. and they are passed out, and probably are not talking right. I do this sometimes, and have had friends do this to me. The situation was nowhere near as severe, but similar. You ask someone to wake you earlier than normal, and the night before you were so serious about getting up. When you are woken up, whatever it was you were thinking has changed, and you say some of the craziest stuff you ever said, that makes no sense. Jesus is looking for friends, friends who will watch, and pray. Jesus comes back a third time, they are all sleeping, Jesus wakes them up and says, “the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners.” Knowing where Jesus would be, Judas came bringing a multitude with swords and clubs, and torches to arrest Jesus. Jesus knew all things and went out to meet them, saying to them, “Whom do you seek?”I love this next part, it has been one of my all time favorite things Jesus does. He led them right into this, with a simple question, Whom do you seek?”Oh the wisdom of this Man. They say,” Jesus of Nazareth”, and Jesus says, I love this , ” I am He.” When He said this, all the men that came for Him fell on the ground. Oh my God, I love You. This is so amazing, Jesus’ words confirming who He is, with power. Can you imagine coming to arrest someone, and when you get there, He comes out to meet you. He ask whom it is you are seeking, you tell Him, He says that’s is me, and when He does you all fall to the ground. What is going through your head at this moment? I know in my head I would be saying, I am out of here. Can you imagine having to get up off the ground, in total confusion, still having to arrest Jesus. WHAT? Jesus allowed Himself to be arrested. If His three words alone could knock down a multitude of people, what if He actually changed His mind part way through? Jesus shows His power in His words, and His power to lay down His life. Peter gets sword happy and goes to choppin, only to cut off a high priest ear. Jesus tell Peter to put away the sword, and ask Peter, ” Shall I not drink he cup which My Father has given Me?” Oh how Jesus must have counted the seconds once He was arrested. He was lead by officers who hated Him, to chief priest, scribes, and Pharisees who hated Him, to be tried, by men He loved, and came as a promise to them. Oh the mixture of destiny and emotions running through Jesus’ mind, and heart at this moment, I don’t have a grid for this, help me Holy Spirit. Jesus is brought before Annas, then Caiaphas, both times He was spoken falsely of, beaten with fist, and mocked before crowds of priests. Peter has been trailing behind now since the garden, and is now watching from a distance. Just hours before Peter told Jesus that he would never deny Him, Jesus tells Peter he will, and the story is unfolding right before his eyes. What is going through Peter’s mind right now? The high priest have nothing on Jesus, they mock, and beat Him, then send Him to Caiaphas. Peter by now denies Jesus the third time, the rooster crows. In my mind, a time or two, I have said, ” If I had been there I would not have denied Jesus. Yet every time I here this story, or read this passage my heart is weak. Jesus forgive me, I have denied You many times, and You still love me. Thank You for Your mercy, Your grace, and strength in our weak hearts. Jesus is sent to Pilate, and he tries hard not to have anything to do with this. He questions Jesus, asking Him if He is King of the Jews, and Jesus has strange dialog with Pilate. Jesus’ response triggers something in Pilate, because he doesn’t know what to do. He tries to release Jesus, but the people are not having it. Then Pilate, according to a custom, offers Barabbas and Jesus next to each other. The people cry out for the release of Barabbas. Does that mean, given the choice people will choose a thief or murderer, instead of the one who has the ability to forgive and change the thieving murderer? I can’t help but think of the end of the age when people are raging against Jesus, instigated by satan, and fuel by the evil in their hearts. Yet Jesus loves, and still died for all these people. I am trying not to think about this account in other gospels, and just meditate on John’s account. In chapter nineteen Pilate sends Jesus to be scourged, and I cringe every time I think of this. That is good for me, I should spend more time cringing to know that this really happened, and I can believe, and draw upon the bible when it says, “By His stripes I am healed.” I can’t possible imagine what this really like. The Passion of the Christ reenactment did a heck of a job in making me want to puke, but I trust the real happenings can’t be compared. The soldiers dressed Jesus like a king, with a crown of thorns, and a purple robe. They mocked Jesus and beat Him, and He didn’t open His mouth, or fight back. The only thing He fought was His own flesh man to completely lay down His life. We can’t possibly imagine what this was like, to go through this, second by second, it must have felt like eternity. I can only guess Pilate was thinking after this surely he will let Him go, the people will see this, and be satisfied. When Pilate presents Jesus to the chief priest and officers, they cried out , Crucify Him. Pilate says, “You take Him and crucify Him, I find no fault in Him.” The Jews insist because Jesus made Himself to be the Son of God, in which Pilate heard this and was more afraid…. more afraid. What was going through Pilate’s mind this whole time. He then take Jesus back again and ask Him who He is and where He is from. Pilate has to know that something so much bigger is going on, than he could know, or do anything about. Jesus does not answer, and Pilate flexes his authority. Jesus gives Pilate Kingdom of God answers, that remind me to pray for the leaders of this world. Noting could be more freaky than this for Pilate. You got this quiet guy, beaten, bloody, shamed with the strangest answers ever. Pilate seeks to release Jesus a third time, but the Jews cried out with loaded statements, pinning Pilate, a would be treasonous leader. Pilate asks yet again, “Shall I crucify your King?” The people cried out all the more for Jesus to be put to death, swearing allegiance to Caesar. This whole time Jesus has a yes in His broken heart. The soldiers lead Jesus away to
be crucified. I have to know if this event changed the life of Pilate. What happened after all of this. There is no way I could go on, business as usual. Holy Spirit help me to know this story, every detail, the very thoughts of Jesus during the greatest act of love ever displayed, ever. I love You Jesus.

Mark 14:32-42

Can you imagine what Jesus was going through that night in the garden of Gethsemane?  He must have been going through sheer anguish.  Imagine knowing that you were going to be crucified on the cross and knowing to the fullest extent what it was going to feel like.  Jesus knew the deepest parts of the pain that He was going to have to go through for the salvation of mankind.  It is no wonder that Jesus went to the garden to pray that God would let this cup pass over Him, but even as He prayed this He knew that it was not possible.

Knowing what He did Jesus asked for three of His disciples to come with Him to the garden and pray.  HE asked them to wait up and pray for Him while He went off on His own to pray by Himself.  Essentially He wanted His disciples to stay up with Him and give Him moral support.

So while Jesus was off by Himself praying the disciples got tired and fell asleep.  After Jesus had spent one hour praying to God He came back to find that His disciples had fallen asleep.  This must have been very discouraging for Jesus.  He knew what He was going to go through and He only wanted some close friends to stay awake with Him and pray, to help ease the burden as they may.

When Jesus found the disciples instead of getting angry as I may have He gently rebukes them saying, “could you not keep watch one hour? . . . The spirit is willing but the body is weak.”  Jesus gave His disciples an excuse for them.  He did not condemn them rather He in a way commended them by saying that they were willing in spirit but only weak in body.

So once more Jesus went off to pray after asking His disciples to stay awake once more.  When Jesus came back He found the same thing as before, His three disciples asleep.  Jesus gave them another chance and they blew it.  Can you imagine the disciples shame at this?  They had been given a very gentle rebuke the first time and yet the second time they blew it still.  And to top it all off Jesus says that now they have ran out of time.

It was at this point that Judas came and betrayed Jesus with a kiss.

John 18: 1-11

The Bible says at this point Jesus went with His three disciples that He had taken with Him to a olive grove.  There Jesus saw a group of soldiers approaching.  Knowing all things as He was apt to do Jesus went out and asked them who they were looking for.  When the soldiers said that they were looking for Jesus, Jesus told them that He was Jesus.

The Bible says that when Jesus said this the soldiers drew back and fell down.  Can you even begin to think of the power that must have been in Jesus’ spoken word for this to happen?  His very word caused SOLDIERS to fall to the ground.  That is power.

After this Jesus again asked them who they were looking for, and again the soldiers said that they were looking for Jesus.  Jesus said yet again that He was that man.  This time when the soldiers heard this they came up to take Jesus.

As they were arresting Jesus, He said to let the men with Him go.  This just continues to show the love of God for us, Jesus did not want His disciples to get mixed up In affairs that were not their’s to bear at this time.

While they were arresting Jesus, Peter took out a small sword and cut off one of the soldiers ears, while he was trying to defend Jesus.  Jesus immediately commanded Peter to put the sword away.  Jesus not only cared that Peter would not be arrested but He even had compassion on the very men arresting Him so He could be crucified.

John 18: 12-14

Jesus was taken the house of Annas the father in low of the Caiaphas the high priest.

John 18: 19-24

When Jesus was questioned it was more of a joke than anything else.  Jesus simply stated that everything that He said was said in public before many witnesses and that they had nothing on Him.  At this seemingly smart-alek remark one of the officials struck Jesus.  The only reason that I can come up with for why this person would strike Jesus is because Jesus said nothing but the truth and was by comparison spreading light on the hypocrisy of the priests.  After He was struck Jesus asked for them to point out one thing that He had said that was not the truth.  At this Annas sent Jesus to Caiaphas.

John 18: 28-40

After Jesus was questioned by the Jews He was sent to Pilate.  When Pilate asked what the charges were against Jesus he could not believe it.  He thought that they were stupid and that Jesus was innocent.  Even after questioning Jesus Pilate could find nothing to hold against Jesus, but to appease the people Pilate offered to release a prisoner to them.  In order to get them to choose Jesus Pilate offered Barabbas, a evil man, or Jesus.  Pilate thought that between these two choices it would easily go in Jesus’ favor.  But to his complete surprise the people chose Barabbas.

John 19: 1-16

After the people chose Jesus Pilate had Jesus flogged and sentenced Him to be crucified.  It is hear that we see the depths of the depravity of man’s soul.  Men chose to have the Son of God tortured and killed.  There was no love in them for God to be found.  This is the sad state of our world, but praise be to God that He loves us and went through these things so that we might draw nearer to Him.

Gethsemane seems a crucial stop on the road to the cross.  The only reason I say that is because of the striking similarity it has to the end-times.  As I read through Mark I kept getting this sense of a foreshadowing of the end of the age, that He was giving us a picture of how things will be.

            Jesus leaves His disciples to go pray; He takes Peter, James, and John with Him but then withdraws from them to pray alone.  Before He leaves them He tells them to, “remain here and watch”.  After He finishes praying for the cup to be removed comes back to only find His disciples sleeping.  He tells them, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation”.  I think when He speaks of temptation He is referring to deception.  We must watch and pray, and remain diligent in our study of the word that we may not be deceived when all the false prophets and teachers rise up.  I am not sure of the context of the temptation in the actual garden, but am positive it is a warning for us against deception.  “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak”, is also another verse which heavily applies to today.  So many times I find myself wanting to leave the prayer room, or stop studying and do something else.  My flesh obviously is the cause of that, but I can also feel that urging in my spirit saying, “Keep going, and keep pressing in for breakthrough”.

            So Jesus leaves and comes back three times only to find them sleeping, and the third time Judas and the band of soldiers are coming.  God is sends three warnings, which I believe are the birth pangs or the beginning of sorrows.  They are the signs of His coming as He spoke of in Matthew, or as Paul spoke of in Thessalonians (the great falling away, and the son of perdition).  I feel God saying to us, “I am going away for a while but will return, watch and pray that so that the day of my return does not surprise you like a thief in the night”.  And Gethsemane is our preparation, to go before the Father in prayer asking Him to open up the sealed books to us.  We have time to rest now but when that day comes what will our rest have to show for?  By our constant practice of going to the Father, we will develop the habit to go to Him at our lowest point, as Jesus did when He was ‘sorrowful unto death’.

            Then the hour comes for Jesus to be arrested and again gives us an example to follow.  As the guards begin to bind Him Peter makes a petty attempt to help out cutting off the ear of a servant.  But Jesus does not ‘love His life even unto death’ and tells him to put the sword away saying, “shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me”?  Even though Jesus went before the Father asking for the cup to be taken, the Father said, “No, you must drink it”.  “He became obedient to death, even death on a cross”.  He even became subject to authority He had given.  We as lovers of Jesus must not shrink back from persecution or death, for blessed are those suffer for His name.

            There are many questions that come to mind as I read the passage of Jesus’ arrest.  When Jesus answers the guards of whom they seek, the guards ‘draw back and fall to the ground’.  Does this mean they fall down like they were just hit with a strong wind, or are they bowing down to Him?  Also, it says that Judas is with them, what are the disciples thinking?  Do they realize what is happening?  Now it makes sense that Jesus tells Peter to put away his sword but one of the more confusing quotes of Jesus is in Luke 22:35-38.  Basically Jesus tells His disciples to sell their cloaks and buy swords!?  So Peter must be confused, why else would they buy swords if they were to not stand against Rome and all who oppose Jesus?

            One more observation I had is that often met with His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane.  I found this very interesting because a key part of creation was centered on the Garden of Eden.  And again we find God being rebelled against in a garden.  I wonder what was burning in Jesus’ heart as He met with them in the garden.  Oh, the longing of restoration He must have had in His heart, remembering the times walking with Adam and Eve.  I wonder if He was giving us a picture of things to come.  I can hear the disciples asking, “Where should we go to pray?” and Jesus replies, “I know of the perfect place”.

            The passage in John about Jesus’ trial before the high priest is another one that is so baffling to me.  Not so much John 18, but more so what it alludes to in John 11:45-53.  This scripture I think shows the ignorance of man and the majesty of God.  The high priest who interrogates Jesus is someone who earlier that year prophesied that Jesus would die for the nation of Israel; not only dying for Israel but ‘gathering together the children of Israel into one who are scattered abroad’.  This blows my mind; do they not understand that the one spoken of in Isaiah 53 is before him?  This can only be the work of God and ‘partially blinding’ the Jews as Paul spoke of.  God spoke through the high priest that interrogates Jesus and then hands Him over to be crucified.  He thinks he is doing Israel a favor so that ‘one man may die for the nation’ so that Rome will not destroy them all.  It is beyond my understanding.

            Beyond that; when Jesus gives a reply to their question with a little bit of attitude on it the officer strikes Him.  I can see the picture so clearly, and it hit me (no pun intended); the officer just struck the Living God, the Alpha and the Omega in the face.  I realize that Jesus suffered much greater pain after this, but this picture is so engraved in my mind.  I don’t even realize the weight of the humility it takes for our God to allow such an injustice, let alone the crucifixion.

            When the Jews bring Jesus before Pilate and Pilate converses with them, I am reminded of how wicked and deceitful the heart of man is.  The Jews themselves said, “It is not lawful for us to put anyone to death”.  This may be true, but what then gives them the authority to hand a man over to be killed?  When we are not allowed to take things into our own hands, we manipulate someone else to carry out our wicked desires, all for the protection of our image.  That is the only reason they did not kill Him themselves.  Then the people would see what the inside of their whitewashed tombs really looked like.  I so often too like to separate myself from the Jews in their hypocrisy as they did from their fathers, but I am the same man.

            “Away with Him, away with Him, crucify Him!”  Every time I read these words they cause me to cringe.  I imagine the heart of Jesus as He hears these words.  What does He feel when He hears this?  Does sorrow rise up?  Tears?  I can’t imagine any other emotion; the people who have been awaiting His coming and have had Him pursue them for thousands of years cry out for His death.  It is troubling because here we realize the truth of His words, “ask and it will be given to you”.  They asked for Caesar to be their king, and they got him, and the destruction of Israel.

10-27-08

Mark 14:36 makes it so clear that this is the way the Father has chosen.  “All things are possible for You.  Take this cup away from Me,” Jesus prays, “yet not what I will, but what You will.”  This is the way the Father has chosen.  This is the path He has laid out before Him.  So often we cry the same thing.  “Father, take this cup from me!”  When Jesus prayed this prayer, however, it had not an ounce of selfishness in it.  The selflessness of true love really shocks us.  Jesus died for the sake of love.  Love seeks not its own.  When Jesus went to the cross, there was no solid guarantee (apart from being bound to the words He spoke through prophecy) that even one sinner’s heart would be revived.  No promise of even one, and yet He went.  He went to all the lengths to secure the POSSIBILITY of us coming and joinging ourselves to Him.  Even just the possibility of being with us empowered Him so as to endure the long road before Him.  He sees in the garden His closest friends falling asleep in His darkest hour, and yet His heart yearns for them anxiously.  “Watch and pray!  I want you!  I want you!  But you must take action – take authority – and consciously strengthen your spirit man, for your spirit within you is willing, but your flesh is weak!  And yet, your flesh man controls the spirit man that yearns within you.  Watch and pray – be strengthened with might in your inner man!”  Jesus is so patient with these, His sheep.  His heart is so tender towards them, even in the hour of His betrayal.

10-29-08

Jesus’ time with the Father in the garden strengthened and enlightened Him, for when they came for Him Jesus went forth with confidence.  John 18:4 says, “[He], knowing all things that would come upon Him, went forward.”  This was like the final act of agreement sealing the partnership between the Father and the Son.  Jesus stepped forth to begin the execution of the plan, not knowing (or only knowing in part) what was to come.  He was full of the knowledge of the Father’s will in all wisdom and understanding, and not only that, but He was also full of the knowledge of who He was.  He yes was a two-dimensional yes encompassing who He was and why He was there.  This statement, “I Am” is a declaration of who He was and why He was there.  “I Am Jesus of Nazareth.  I Am the one you seek.  I Am all that I have said that I am.  I Am that I Am, and I Am that you can be… Shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?”  This is His declaration:  “I Am, and I am drinking this cup.”  This was His last confession before being taken captive, beaten, mocked, and silently led as a lamb to the slaughter.
Again – this time in conversation with Pilate – Jesus boldly proclaims His identity and His purpose:  “Surely I am a King, and I have come into this world that I should bear witness to the truth.  Everyone who is of the kindgom of truth hears My voice.”  So we see that this identity is knit to an identity of a completely other caliber.  (Our identity to this world is only for a minute, but each of us has an eternal, kingdom identity that is yet to be revealed to us.)  Jesus was anchored in His everlasting identity, and that enabled Him to diligetnly and securely lay hold of His earthly purpose and calling.

10-30-08

In John 19, Pilate says to the jeering crowd, “Behold the Man!”  Then the crowd cries out, “No!  No!  Take Him away!  Crucify Him!  We don’t want anything to do with Him!”  And Pilate retorts, “You take Him and crucify Him!”  What opposition of man to God’s sovereignty.  Again, the coldness, the defiance, of the hearts of men is so intense, so overwhelming, so controlling.  Truly the Lord Himself is the only one with the power to harden and soften hearts, and yet here He silences Himself and shows us love by not speaking.
The humility of God never ceases to amaze me.  He has truly suffered long and been rejected much.  From the rejection at the Fall, to the rejection at the Flood, to all of the rejections during His time on the earth (including twice mentioned very clearly in this passage), to the great rejection at the end of the age, and again after His millennial reign!  Surely He is slow to anger and abounding in love.